Every child should learn Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu -PART 2
How exactly will participating in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Martial Arts “Bullyproof” my child?
The problem of getting picked on by bullies is as old as time itself. Bullying overall is a complex issue and runs deeper than just a physical problem to solve. Many people think of the solution in too simple terms; if a child can learn how to punch, kick, grapple and practice submission holds, they’ll be “bullyproof". Teaching all of these physical skills are a big part of my job yes, but they are merely tools for achieving the most important goal: developing a child’s confidence.
Confidence is key but can only be earned.
I’ve come to realize over the years that you can teach the best curriculum and list of perfect techniques. But if your practice room does not address and improve a child’s confidence, none of it will matter when they need it most.
If a child suffers low self-esteem with a fear of conflict they will feel like a victim and thus show up that way in the world. If they start believing in that narrative, they will act in ways that re-affirm that belief which creates a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. If the mental side is not addressed or a child’s confidence is not changed, they’ve lost the battle way before a punch or kick will need to be thrown.
If you promise confidence, how does Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu develop this?
It’s important to note that almost any sport, physical endeavor or hobby will be challenging and develop a child’s overall confidence and competence.
Some activities are physically challenging and require kids to get stronger and develop their athletic potential. This builds confidence , especially if they improve rapidly or have a natural affinity for the specific activity.
Other hobbies and interests are mentally challenging, requiring strategic thinking, problem solving skills and patience.
Participating in anything challenging at times will have the potential of challenging you on an emotional level. We all face fear, uncertainty, insecurity and frustration at some point.
So then what makes Martial Arts training so different? Martial Arts and Combat sports are highly challenging on all 3 of those levels, all at once!
It’s physically, mentally and emotionally hard. And participating in it, developing the requisite skills in all 3 of those domains is tough business! Being confident in kicking a ball is great, looking someone in the eyes and telling them to back off, whilst being fully committed to engage if things get physical or violent is a whole different story.
BJJ is the full package. But it takes time!
From working with kids and adults from all walks of life , I’ve seen a universal pattern emerge:
In the beginning training is novel, exciting and fun - but soon they will experience failure on the mat and face difficult challenges. Examples of this would be getting paired up with a stronger, faster, more athletic, older or simply more experienced partner that “dominates” them on the mat. They might lose rounds, lose points, get put in tricky and hard positions where they struggle to escape all while getting completely fatigued and exhausted.
Once training is not fun or novel anymore they have met our good friends adversity and struggle. These obstacles are physical, emotional and mental. Physically they might be tired and uncomfortable, but mentally their egos are on display and they might feel helpless, confused or overwhelmed.
NOTE: It is here usually where kids might try to attend training less or find excuses to avoid going to class, and the coach together with the parents might have to encourage and push them to see it through.
At this point they are faced with a decision. They have to decide to push through the mental and physical discomfort. They might get angry, sad, frustrated and in some cases even cry. But with the right coaching and support they will learn to adapt and grow through these patches of discomfort and come out stronger on the other side. By making it through a challenging round, partner or lesson they slowly start building physical and mental resilience. They literally and figuratively pick themselves back up again and again.
It’s worth noting also that they aren’t going through this process alone. They are surrounded by other kids and they are “in the trenches together” which builds friendships and camaraderie. With a good coach they will still be encouraged, and helped through this process.
Once a child or teenager has gone through this cycle a few times they start developing true confidence. Why? Because they’ve done something hard and got to the other side. Not only do they start believing that they can overcome difficult experiences but they also start seeking harder challenges. Training becomes enjoyable again because they start seeing it as a game and will enable them to push themselves to their limits.
If they are consistent and stick to this process parents and their peers will start noticing small changes in their behavior. Kids and teens will tend to be more friendly, their body language starts to change with improved posture and they’ll display better social engagement like direct eye contact.
As I’ve clarified in my previous post, I am not advocating for an unsafe training environment. As a coach I do everything to ensure drills are safe, and kids aren’t getting roughed up or hurt by any maliciousness. But training grappling is hard. It’s also important to note that we always try to balance the hard and rough elements of ‘n lesson with lighter and fun elements, like ending a lesson with a game or group activity for fitness and team work to boost morale.
Confidence comes from overcoming obstacles
As a coach and as a parent we usually want to find ways to make things easier for our kids. We don’t want them to feel uncomfortable, struggle or experience stress and hardship. But we must not rob them of these experiences, especially if done in a constructive and safe environment. It is crucial for their overall development and something that cannot be done for them.
Once a child or teenager has gone through this process they have truly developed confidence and competence. Mentally they understand stress and frustration and know how to stay calm under pressure. Physically they are used to getting pushed, pulled, fall to the ground and struggle with another resisting body. And they will carry that with them into the world. It is tangible and cannot be faked. And I think any smart bully will recognize that, keep their distance and choose to rather move on to an easier target.
In my next post we will look at how Jiu-jitsu can develop a healthy relationship with fitness and exercise and gets kids fit and active for life.